At Christmas time they’re seen in stores,
I thought they were a fake.
But then one day someone gave to me,
My very own fruitcake.

I took one look, it was quite unique
Its appearance was incredible.
A dark brown block all filled with fruit.
That could not possibly be edible.

It sat on the table for several days
When an idea popped into my head.
I wrapped it up as a Christmas gift
And sent it to my cousin Fred.

Fred gave it to his neighbor Bob
Who gave it to his Uncle Joe,
Joe in turn gave it as an anonymous gift,
To someone he did not know.

This unknown person just wrapped it up
And mailed it to a man named Lee,
Then Lee gave it to a guy at work,
Who gave it then to me.

So once again I sent it off
To a relative in Vermont,
But two years later it came back again,
The fruitcake I don’t want.

I never thought such a simple thing
Could cause such Sturm und Drang
Until the day I first received
That fruitcake boomerang.

So if this rum soaked fruitcake
To you one day will come
Maybe you could keep the cake
Just send to me the rum.