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My Own Prince Charming
I have two
great loves in my life, I think. There is the man I married
and with whom I share the suburban dream. You know the one:
2.3 kids, house, picket fence, dinner by six every night.
The man I married loves me more than I have ever thought of
loving him. He does anything and everything in his powers to
bring me what happiness he can, but it isn’t enough, we both
know it but never talk about it.
Then there is the love of my life. We have limited time
together, but when we are alone together I know that I love
him far more than he loves me. He has the most perfect
smile, it lights up his entire face and you can see joy
coming out of every part of his body. People have no problem
telling when I have had quality time with “him”, but it is
hard to get to be alone with him and, when we are, it is
stolen time. The kind of time where there are whispers of
promises in the dark, sighs and soft touching.
How did I get here? Who is to
blame? I blame it all on Walt Disney and the Brothers Grimm;
they are both responsible for the state of my marriage. Ok,
I know I really can’t blame them for it, but my marriage
feels so empty of what every little girl dreams about. We
all know the dream, the one of the unattainable Prince
Charming, the one true love of my life.
For generations, stories told little girls that Prince
Charming was equivalent to Calgon ( the ad where the woman
is having a bad day – kids screaming, phone ringing, dinner
burning and she goes into the bathroom and moans, “Calgon,
take me away”). Prince Charming would sweep us, and all of
our troubles, away. Likely story, or is it more the
un-likely story? Anyway, I was raised to believe that
someday my prince would come. I spent years waiting for my
own someday; it never came.
From the time I was old enough to date right up until I got
married, I was desperate for the whole Prince Charming thing
to happen. I bargained with and pestered and whined to the
God about it non-stop. The fact that I wasn’t hit by
lightening was a miracle and the fact that nothing caused my
mouth to be forever sealed with Duct Tape, a miracle worthy
of note by the Vatican. Guess God had other things on his
mind.
According to the stories, the good girl pretty much lived
her life and then one day Prince Charming showed up at the
door and changed her life.
I wanted the Disney version of Prince Charming, all of it.
We all know the one: dark hair, brown eyes, strong
shoulders, big chest, small waist; oh yeah he has his own
thundering steed. There is no forgetting the whole taking
care of damsels in distress, having eyes only for me, being
protective of me and loving me to a fault. For years and
years, this was what I pleaded and prayed for. Sure I dated
and had some minor relationships, but no one ever pounded on
my door announcing he was Prince Charming.
He never showed up, I was cranky, disillusioned and miffed;
I thought I was getting old, so I settled. Husband number
one was definitely not Prince Charming, oh sure he looked
that way to me initially, but something about his cheating
made it difficult for me to stay. There was something about
a lack of love and infidelity that sort of killed the whole
Prince Charming thing for me. I still held out hope as I
rebuilt my life, but THE DREAM sort of just died.
After I licked my wounds, I realized the fairy tale was just
that. I didn’t think I would ever believe in it again. I
mean, I struck out the first time and didn’t have any faith
in a second shot at my one and only prince.
Later on, I found a nice guy, he loved me but he didn’t set
my heart on fire. He was safe. He didn’t look at me with a
passion that I knew was rocking his world. He looked at me
like I was his favorite pair of shoes – old, broken in and
comfortable. Initially I looked at him like he could be the
one but really, he became my comfy, old shoes. He didn’t
cheat and he loved me the best way he could but he never got
one-hundred percent of my heart. I think he knew but we
never talked about it.
One day, my someday actually came. Across a field, I saw
him. He was with a family, three small girls and a woman.
They showered hugs and kisses on him and he seemed to return
their affection. I could tell though that he wasn’t really
happy, the smile didn’t really reach his eyes. The family
left and he remained in the field and soon he was looking at
me.
God, that look, it said, “I am worth the effort. It may not
seem like it now, but I am so worth it.”
I found myself drawn to him, I crossed the parking lot and
went to the field. I hadn’t realized there was a cyclone
fence that would separate us. I got close to the fence and
he approached from his side.
I was mesmerized, those beautiful brown eyes, that gorgeous
smile, that chest. I just wanted to touch him and have him
look me in the eyes, forever if possible.
I don’t know how long we stayed like that, all looking but
no touching or talking. After a while, it could have been
five minutes or five hours, I don’t know, I just couldn’t
take it any longer and so I left. I whispered my goodbye and
hoped I would be able to see him again. I knew I couldn’t
have a life with him, but to know he existed might be
enough.
I became a woman obsessed. I couldn’t help myself. Almost
every day for a week I found myself going to that field to
see if he was there. I was so lucky, he was. Each time we
saw each other, I thought I could see further into his soul.
Each smile he gave me, I knew was just for me. I had no idea
I could ever feel this way, maybe old Walt wasn’t wrong.
Maybe there is a Prince Charming out there for every girl.
The third or fourth day, a woman joined me at the fence
line. She took us both in and said to me, “You do know he is
available, right?”
How could that be possible? Such a beauty not already
attached to someone else.
“No really,” she said, “he looks for you every day. I think
you could be really good for each other.”
“Since you know him so well,” I started, “why isn’t he with
you?”
She looked at the ground and said, “I’m married and my
husband wouldn’t understand.”
I had a lot to think about. How would I ever explain this to
my husband or the kids? How do you say to the man you are
married to, “I fell in love and I want to be with him?” How
do you tell your husband, “Sorry pal, you just aren’t enough
for me?”
I decided to see how I felt if I didn’t see him for just one
day. I forced myself not to go to the field. I drove myself
crazy not going there, not looking for him. My heart
clenched that the next day he would be gone, that I might be
too late, that I might have missed my chance at happiness.
Every year I make a list every year of what I “resolve” to
do in the new year, then I promptly don’t do it. This year
was going to be different. My resolution to myself is to
find happiness and find the love that I have been aching
for.
The next day, I found myself at the fence as soon as I could
get there. There was no way I was going to be denied him
again, even if it was just to see him smile.
The woman joined me, just like before. She turned to me and
said, “He waited all day for you yesterday. I think it broke
his heart that you didn’t come. Have you made a decision
about what you want to do?”
I quietly said, “Yes. I’m just going to do it. My husband
will just have to deal with it when he comes home. I hope I
am doing the right thing, for both of us. For all of us
really.”
She said, “I know it is. You look like you’re made to be
together. He is so different when you’re around. You are the
only one that he isn’t cold or aloof with, I know he knows
it. Make yourselves happy. Don’t worry about the rest of the
world. Come inside with me and we can talk about it some
more.”
I followed her to a small office building next to the field.
We talked. I told her things about myself I had never said
out loud to anyone. She wrote some things down. She doodled
on some papers which she later slipped to me.
I made my decision. I made promises to her, to him, and to
myself. My life was going to be different from now on, I
just knew it would.
Before I left, I asked about his name. She said, “No really,
it is his name. He does live up to it, don’t you think?”
Stupidly, I smiled and nodded.
We headed to the field and I went in for the first time. I
was tentative at first, he had been snoozing under a tree
and I hadn’t wanted to bother him.
I started out slowly and said, “Hey, you. How’s it going?”
He rose, shaking his head. Then instantly he came straight
to me, into my open arms. There were no other words, we just
held each other and smiled like idiots.
Eventually we got into the car and headed to my home. I
asked him to stay where he was, I opened his door and let
him out.
I knew there would be no trial period. I knew there was no
going back. I knew this was the love that changed my life. I
knew my husband would have no choice but to share my love
with another.
A few days later, I was sitting on the front stoop, his head
was in my lap. I was running my hands over his body and
didn’t care who was watching or what the neighbors might
say. I was content and so was he.
Burt came to the door and said, “Jessica, I know you hate to
walk the dog but he needs some exercise. Do you mind? He
doesn’t walk on a leash for me nearly as well as he does for
you.”
I sighed and told him I would. I gently removed the head
from my lap and asked him to wait. I went inside for a
couple of minutes.
I opened the closet door and retrieved the leash. I went
back to the stoop and snapped the leash on Prince’s collar.
We started our daily walk.
Who would have thought a dog would be my one and only Prince
Charming? I mean my Prince was protective of all things
female, my daughters and especially me. He only had eyes
for me. He let me cry into his fur. He was my silent
partner in almost all things. We knew things about each
other without ever the need for speech.
From the beginning, I told my daughters what I thought was
the truth about being careful in the search for a Prince
Charming type. I told them the illusive fairy tale type
didn’t exist. I was wrong; I had my Prince Charming and he
was literally everything I had ever asked for.
In the beginning I wrote a list of the things I had whined
and pleaded for in the ideal mate.
Lots of dark hair (to run my fingers through) – check
Beautiful and sincere smile – check
Broad shoulder that was willing to take on my tears when
necessary – check
Easy on the eyes - check
Not once on my list did I tell anyone or anything
SPECIFICALLY that Prince Charming was to be:
Human
Marriageable
Male
I guess, I got specifically what I asked for and, probably
ultimately, what and who I wanted.
Puppy Love
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Michele Brisson
United States
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